This is the kind of blog entry that I hesitate to post. I know most of you won't care much or take the time to read a bunch of words about my thoughts and feelings. But, this is my main mode of journaling my life. So, sometimes, I may need to have a post of a bunch of words. Just X out if you don't care to read on...I'll never know.
Today, I was officially released as the Primary President. I have had this calling for almost 2 years. I've been surprised at the gamut of emotions that I have felt since the Bishop released me last week. I've never had a calling that required quite so much from me. I thought I was to the point of feeling the relief that would come from no longer being responsible for a Primary, especially the giant one that we have. But, when they released me today and sustained the new Presidency, I got a whole new set of feelings. The calling was a huge learning experience for me. Being released from it has also been a learning experience.
The feelings have ranged from sadness over no longer being with the kids and teachers to worrying if my service was adequate to sadness over watching the Primary move forward just fine without me. But also happiness that it's moving on fine without me. And, of course, it's moving on fine without me.
Sadness that suddenly my time given to do this calling and learn and grow from it is over. Suddenly. And then relieved again that I can just bring my kids to Primary next week and not have to figure out where they all go and what teachers go where (our ward boundaries were just completely changed, leaving the Primary to start over almost new). And then eager for something new to put my time into and learn from, whatever that may be.
When I have the right perspective, I realize that mostly I am extremely grateful for my membership in the church. I have been able to have growing and learning experiences through my time in Primary that most 26 year old stay at home moms don't get. I'm grateful that our church is run by lay members because it gives those members opportunities to learn new skills like how to teach a huge group of 3-5 year olds or how to delegate effectively or how to create a fun activity on a small budget. The callings take us out of our comfort zone like having conversations with angry teachers or parents and dealing with the issues involved.
And then, though grateful, I go back to feeling sad that I don't get all those same growth opportunities anymore. But then I feel again relieved that I don't have to worry about those things that require me to stretch.
Then, I remember that I'm 33 weeks pregnant which could have something to do with this emotional roller coaster I'm feeling.
Then I feel relieved again because I don't have to worry about juggling a newborn on top of 3 other kids, Kendall's insane schedule, a house AND a Primary.
But, then I feel a little sad when I remember Luke said he'd miss me when I told him I wouldn't be in Primary with him anymore.
And worried about how Sam will behave when I'm not there.
Then, I just feel tired. And decide to go to bed.
4 comments:
I'm sure it's a whirlwind of emotions. You can tell that you did a wonderful job because you loved those kids and you loved that calling. You've really made a difference is so many young lives. I'm so impressed with you Hannah. You are a such a great person and a great example. I'm so glad you'll have a little break to welcome in your new little man, although I'm sure they'll be snatching you into another calling soon.
I have never seen such a huge primary OR a primary that ran so smoothly. You did an awesome job! You were even on the ball with cub scouts - and that is a HUGE thing in addition to the mega responsibilities of Sunday primary. We miss you guys!
You should really move to Portland now.
You gave voice to the same feelings I've had. Although I don't think I was ever grateful to deal with angry teachers! You did an awesome job, with a huge group. You should feel great about the service you gave- it was well done.
Post a Comment